Time to Celebrate Love

Having studied in a girls’ school throughout her childhood, Pallavi was unaware of her innermost feelings. She had friends and best friends, and she thought nothing beyond that. After finishing high school, it was now time for her to leave the safe walls of home and move to another state for higher studies. Fortunately or otherwise, she secured admission in a women’s college for higher studies. Shifting away from home for the first time to a new place where people spoke Telugu, a dialect Pallavi barely understood, topped with a new routine–there was so much to get accustomed to, thought Pallavi. And this exhausted her. In the midst of everything new, Pallavi missed the warm comfort of home. But going back was not a choice at all. The hostel was strict and hence communication was restricted too. Calling up home only made her more homesick…Oh, what could she do?

On one of the days when everything seemed against her, Pallavi sat crying in a corner of her room while her roommates were at the mess for dinner. She heard a slight knock and upon opening, she was surprised to see a girl from the room next door. The girl introduced herself as Tanu and tried to comfort Pallavi. Tanu’s mother tongue was Telugu and she promised to teach Pallavi the basics of the language. Before they realized it, they started chatting like long-time friends and Pallavi felt the cloud of homesickness slowly shift; she smiled for the first time in many days. They went down for dinner and from then onwards, there was no looking back. From going to college, to the library, to meals–they were inseparable.

One day, Pallavi was resting because she was unwell. Tanu came rushing in and started talking non-stop about how careless she was about her health. As she said that, she was in tears. Pallavi couldn’t understand why Tanu was getting so emotional and before she knew Tanu put her soft lips on hers and the moment seemed to freeze. Pallavi was shocked because she didn’t expect this but she was drawn in. A floodgate of emotions opened up and she realized that this was probably locked up in her for years. It surprised her that she wasn’t aware of her needs, and her feelings. As these thoughts clouded her mind, Tanu quickly left the room. And this was just the beginning. Soon, they found themselves in corners and between shelves, stealing private moments. Pallavi and Tanu were in bliss and suddenly homesickness was a thing of the distant past. Years passed and they graduated and left to their respective homes. They did keep in touch but somehow the fire between them slowly reduced.

Pallavi went for higher studies and Tanu surprised her by a sudden visit on her birthday. Pallavi was thrilled, but Tanu was shocked to see Pallavi in the arms of a man. “How could you”, cried Tanu when they were alone in the room at night. As Tanu cried, she tried to come close to Pallavi, but Pallavi simply didn’t respond. That was it. At the next instance, Tanu feigned an excuse and left the city. Pallavi could understand why this happened, but she had moved on in life. Many years later, Tanu and Pallavi, married now, rekindled their friendship. Somehow, they never touched upon the intimate moments spent together, but continued to remain in each other’s lives like any other women. Yet, many a time, Pallavi found herself stealing little moments to watch lesbian porn. And she wondered why. Did Tanu do the same too, she wondered! But she dare not ask!

Dear readers, there are many Pallavis and Tanus in our society. Some don’t understand their own bodies and emotions and some are scared to accept. Again many are confused about their own emotional and sexual needs. Of course, over the years, much has changed and same-sex couples can now get married and have a family. Yet, many would rather maintain their secret–a double life, and suffer! Are you one of them? Don’t be afraid. Even if people around you don’t accept your sexual preference, don’t stifle yourself. Talk with someone you trust and free yourself. It’s all about coming into the light and celebrating love. Of course, it is easier said than done, In India, particularly, more awareness is needed, school curricula should talk about LGBTQIA and their rights and people need to understand that traditional family setups are evolving to include same-sex parents too. From the Stonewall Uprising in 1969 in Greenwich village, a lot has changed, yet we have many more miles to cover. Let us join hands to celebrate love, celebrate life. Let the celebration and support be genuine and not simply rainbow-washing.

The story is not fictitious, but the names of the characters have been changed to safeguard their privacy.

This ost is a part of ‘Out and About Blog Hop’ hosted by Manali Desai and Sukaina Majeed.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash